
Markers topple off a precarious pile
in haphazard sprawling style.
Colour sticks spread out --
I’ll pick them up; no need to shout!
Science says that atoms can’t be
where others already exist.
Thus, the box shifts tape off table
onto the floor it went.
I reached far back behind
to see what I might find.
Aha, the tape! And –
the coveted birthday present!
I wish I could say that this story was a rare occurrence,
Alas, it happens oft enough that I knew just what to do.
When trying to find a thing, just give up. Move on.
Oh, the things to find along the way, things long forgotten… like the cutest ghosty jammies discovered under bed – aw!
(I know!)
Edited after a TPS Workshop Nov. 9, 2024 by an Inchoate poet, Nicola Schneider
- Tighten up/get rid of non-vital words
- Replicate the movement of the first stanza through out
- Perhaps change to present tense could help (I think it did?)
- Sometimes you gotta just ditch the rhyme and focus more on the emotion
- You gotta work the rhyme so it doesn’t interrupt rhythm
- Show rather than tell